Free Write

I was offered a management position at work yesterday. I know I will be taking it as it's a two dollar raise and ten more hours a week. It will look nice to bring home a lot more on my paychecks each week. I don't really have much going on besides that. I'm excited about halloween coming up. I am ordering parts to a costume online and going shopping tomorrow for it. Not exactly sure of what I'm going for completely. Steampunk in some way I believe. Every day is exactly the same so nothing is exciting right now. But I suppose I would rather the order that is my life right now than some kind of chaos. I just don't like the feeling of settling. I always like having some kind of goal to aim for. But now I don't have anything and I feel slightly bored. Things are great though. I just don't know what to do when I'm not striving for anything. Time is the issue here. I can't do certain things until time has passed. At least things are going well though. I recognize that things are great for me. I'm just not the kind of person who likes to be happy with where I've gotten. I've always got to get better or aim for something. I was aiming for the management position so long that now I don't know what to do since I will be getting it. I've been passing my time by going to work and school and taking care of the house and all our pets. We found a stray cat and took her in a few weeks ago. Turns out she's very pregnant so any day now there should be kittens. That's kind of exciting. I started painting again. I had been out of paint for a few months. I can feel my depression coming back if I don't paint for awhile. It really helps me get out some of my issues and deal with them in much better ways than what I used to do. I had been near having a relapse and I haven't had any problems like that in well over a year. Painting makes me stay calm. It lets me express the things I'm too afraid to say to people. One day I hope to be better and to not need to do something to relieve everything. But until then I just have to find ways to keep me from thinking about what happened. I hope to keep doing well.